why is it that as cars are built to higher and higher specifications (anti-lock brakes, intelligent windscreen wipers, fuel consumption technology, etc) more and more of them don't come with indicators as standard?
why do people buy gigantic saloons and people carriers and drive them on their own?
why is that said people have no idea of the size of their vehicles so sit for hours waiting for a clear road through a gap that is quite obviously navigable to the rest of us?
why do people in cars insist on ignoring pedestrians that are half way across the road they are turning into - then swear at them when this is pointed out to them?
why am I not allowed to kill inconsiderate car drivers?

...emerges from the gloom.. my friend has come out fighting and the docs are going to do everything they can - if she is going to try to beat this then i am certainly going to do my utmost to achieve all my goals this year.

talking of gaols (of a quite different kind) while i feel sorry for the thousands of barcodes that are back to drinking in 'reality bar' after flimflam, cesc and the togonator spoiled diddy dennis wise's arrival as the latest tiny messiah in the north east, it was great to see arsenal continue to out the carling cup exit behind them. shame pompey and reading couldn't add to the feelgood factor tonight but at least it is fun to see liverpool continue to underperform despite spending a small nation's GDP on a new team this summer and winter - up the hammers! (as our kiwi based blogger would no doubt declare)

finally its farewell to jeremy beadle: i never enjoyed his brand of tv but apparently he did a lot of good for cha'iteee.. well bless him for that. sad to see anyone die at the relatively young age of 59 and of pneumonia

im not going to say much this evening because if i do i might cry. my friend who had a second tumour removed from her leg has now been told she has one on her lung. i dont know much more than that, her bloke texted me with the news today. i went down to london with them on the train and had spent yesterday afternoon drinking wine and enjoying a takeway and if she was worried (and im sure she was) she once again showed that calm bravery that is so typical of her. i dont know how people cope with stuff like this in their lives: ive had a lot of bad things happen to me in my life and i've worried about my health for several years now. and other stuff, silly trivial things, like losing a game of football or having an article rejected, or pranging the car, having my bike stolen - all of this seems so insignificant next to their troubles. i said it before, its not fair. it isnt fair and tonight i hate this world and if there is a god then i hate him too for doing this to both of them. im sorry but im very upset

just back from the emirates: in the second half arsenal took newcastle apart and won 3-0. throughout the first 45 minutes it was pretty close and although it was end to end stuff in places it was also pretty dull. the barcodes were out in force singing the praises of little kevin keegan but to be honest thsi newcastle side palyed with as little ambition for most of the game as fat sam's side that was well beaten here in the carling cup. the real player of the day (although clichy and senderos were faultless) was adebayor. the big togo striker took his two goals brilliantly - i cant wait to see MOTD - and his name echoes around the ground. this was just the tonic i needed after tuesday's horrorshow. and well done to havant and waterlooville - scoring twice against liverpule at anfield and to preston for beating derby 4-1 away. i hope arsenal can avoid the mancs, chelski and the scousers in the next round and go all the way this year. all this joy and cambridge won as well - today football is a wonderful thing..

reminded as i lay on the couch pricked by a dozen tiny needles - gulliver like - of a dream i had earlier in the week and meant to mention. hecticness (is that a word?) and a general pull away from home and my Mac has stoped me writing. i was on a coach (in my dream) and we stoppedt to break the journey. i got off but i think my wife stayed on. (ive been divorced and have had no contact with her for a dozen or more years) i ventured into a sort of boutique come cafe and spoke to some people about which i cant't remember (but it wasnt important in the context of the dream). when i came out the coach was moving off, i'd missed it and was immediately aware that i had the plane tickets in my wallet. how was i going to catch up with her? how were we going to catch her flight, how was she going to get home, would we/I be able to use them for a later flight that day or the next. i had to get to munich as fast as possible. munich? why munich? i woke up
dreams are wierd

students were fun today but the day was a bit long. third years were pretty good discussing prostitution and the contagious diseases acts although one group made the mistake of selecting an article for the otehrs to read simply based on its title. much of was inprenetrable foucauldian theory and they struggled with it. the second lot were more pragmatic and organised and had a tract by willaim action condeming the many venues where women sold themselves in victorian london and how - much more fun. in the afternoon the crims happily discuused the wearing of the veil and islamic law and western culture and the clashes between them. it was an intelligent and lively hour. i really enjoy teaching with them more than last year's lot.

finally today is holocaust memorial day and we had a (poorly attended) service sandwiched between a morning and afternoon of (apprently badly organised) talks and debates. i went to the service but was busy for the events. it deserved better planning to be honest and standing next to a lecturer whose area this is (its not mine, ive not even studied it at undergrad level) i could feel him seething as people uttered platitudes and made bad comparisons between nazi germany and yugoslavia..

well i've given up listening to the game.. you really can't win them all and cambridge are 3-0 up against droylsden so there is some comfort in the evening. i thought i'd better update those of you that might be interested on SheWho's situation. well as i expected - but after a lot of grovelling - she and her bloke are back together. i must say that this was more of a relief to me than i expected. if they had really split then i think i would have a lot more thinking to do. the doc thinks her lump is nothing to worry about but of course she will have to worry until the specialist confirms that.

I bought six CDs this afternoon
woody guthrie
primal scream
rod stewart
lily allen
the jam
the doors

what does that tell you? i paid £33
i also bought 2 shirts and a merino wool jumper - £30
i spent £30 on dinner in London

must be something about £30s at the moment - tesco were selling monkfish fillets for £24 a kilo - that seems like a lot to me.. also tesco dont label food from isreal as 'isreal' but as 'west bank'.. who are they kidding? i still boycott it, along with stuff from america

not a good start to the latest london derby, arsenal 1 nil down after five minutes and denilson injured.. is this going to be sperz' night?

ive just spent a few days away from home - sunday afternoon in enfield with friends which was nice before heading off to stoke newington to see the captain and his lady. went to a really wonderful south indian resteraunt in church street - lots of creamy coconut flavours yum! monday was passed in the british library searching through 18th century newspapers for the news of the pattishall murder mystery - very interesting story about a young man who was found guilty of shooting a constable and sentenced to death (in 1788) His father pressed for a reprive for his son, enlisting the help of the duke and duchess of gloucester and even meeting the king in person (probably in one of his rare periods of clarity in between bouts of madness - this is george III in case you wondered)

today ive been at the open university doing more on this and the police of late 18th century london - for my portugal talk - and chatting to my old supervisor before heading for the shopping centre to do my bit to revitalise the retail economy

anyway better get back to encouraging the gunners to get back into the game - doesn't sound very hopeful right now though...

just seen SheWho back to her car. she's spent the last 6 or so hours curled up on my sofa intermitently sleeping off her distress at splitting up with her man. i'm not at all sure its a break up that will last. she and he had been very drunk (tho knowing her that means she was MORE wasted) and she said some things she shouldn't have. he chucked her and stormed off. he rang and was horrid to her this morning. she texted back apologies and he said they can talk tomorrow. but he is on bender tonight so she doubts that will happen. i think it will. i think they will patch it up. but it will be another patch. because of the way she is. an emotional grenade with a loose pin. i got her to watch the Big Lebowski - what can you do? im not a girl. if it had been a bloke i'd have dragged him to a pub. she has also found a lump so she's scared as well. her best female friend lost her baby on friday.

im away from late morning tomorrow until late monday night so nothing more i can do but wait and see what happens. she's a mess and i care about her. all my alarm bells are telling me to put as much distance between her and me as possible but i can't do that while she's in this state.

got a text from SheWho at 6am (well she sent it then.. ) she's broken up with her bloke.. mind you i think this has happened at least 4 times in the past two and half years so they will probably have patched it up by tea time. not sure what to do about it..

going to go out and buy wholefoods and organic chocolate then 'run' at the gym - a combination of healthy well being activities and chocolate should give me clarity this morning

kate nash on VERY LOUD reading all your blogs and about to go and eat pizza and drink wine with the travellers. good day at the office: poverty and revolution with the third years - one did think that socialism was 'something to do with germany and hitler..' but i refused to be downhearted. the criminologists were pretty animated talking about ASBOs and what we do with 'yoofs' on the street. not that they had any ideas other than blaming the parents and a poor education system - but then do any of us know what to do? i pointe dout that the problems we asscoaite with delinquency were first noted in the first decade of the 19th century.. so 200 years and we are still searching for the solution..

'right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head
yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared
but when you look at them and you see that they're beautiful,
that's how i feel about you'
birds - kate nash

laters

been to hear my american cousin give a paper on his doctoral subject , samuel beckett. now this was to an english seminar rather than history although he is a historian.. anyway v confusing to explain but... it was interesting: i've never read any beckett but i've picked up 'murphy' from the library and will have a go. my friend's paper was an exploration of the connection between beckett (a 20th century irish writer) and arnold guelincx a 17th century philosopher who was familiar with descartes (hey but not in a rude way.. ). one of guelincx's maxims struck me as very modern for an early modern calvinist prostestant.."the best status of all is not to be born. the most similar status to this is to reach death as soon as possible".. i expect he would have enjoyed the Smiths if he'd lived in manchester in the 80s

dinner with SheWho went better than expected: she's is still in a certain amount of self-denial about her responsibility for anything but i think we set soem limits to our friendship which we can both cope with. it was helped by my teryaki sea bass with warm noodle and beansprout salad and NZ sauvignon blanc

finally keegan is back at the toon - well i'm very happy for them. you have to like KK's enthusiasm and his respect for the way that football should be played. i remember seeing newcastle at highbury playing the cavalier football that meant they won or lost games 4-5 or 6-4. i will get to see what he can do (hopefully not too much too soon) when the barcodes come to the emirates in the cup. at least they should be more entertaining than fat sam's lot were in the carling cup

oh the contrasts.. cambridge united's FA trophy match against local rivals histon was called off on saturday becasue of a waterlogged pitch - it goes ahead tonight. i cant go because i am entertaining SheWho (with whom i intend to have a setting limits type chat..if she shuts up long enough ) It would cost £12 to get in. This morning I've booked a seat at the emirates to see arsenal play the winner of tonight's FA cup replay between stoke and newcastle: that is unlikely to be rained off but has cost me in excess of £50. Its really no wonder some people worry that traditional (whatever that mean) football fans are being priced out of the game. £9 was the most i ever paid to see arsenal before they knocked down the old north bank to create an all seater stadium - and i remember being fairly shocked then. Once ive had a meal, been on the tube, bought a programme and paid for petrol i think i will have notched up £75.. how much is the opera guvnor? elite sport .. i should coco!

im cream crackered. nearly falling asleep on the way home from oxford where ive spent the weekend. saturday night i went out with my american friend and was quite pleased with myself. i saw a woman i really liked the look of - pale and red headed, slim and well dressed, elegant - now normally i would kinda glance wistfully at her and kick myself the next day for not being brave enough to say anything to her. this time i found myself talking to several women in several bars before i saw her again in a jamaican bar - so this time i managed to get her attention and chatted for an hour. it was really hard because it was so loud and so i finally got up the nerve to ask for her number - which she gave me - so we could try and talk properly somewhere a bit quieter. not sure what to suggest or even if i will use it (i think i shall though) and much less sure she will be interested but what have i got to lose? play the percentages my american cousin advises - and the more women i get up the courage to approach the easier it is. in the past women have always found me, asked me out, which is great but it means im out of practice. oxford seems to be full of intelligent pretty women which is not the case around here - i need to move!

i only got about 4-5 hours sleep and woke knowing there was no way i could drive anywhere for several hours. i walked into oxford in the wind (which blew my hangover away) and bought some present for my friends' children (7 and 4). i met up with them for a pub lunch (full veggie breakfast ) before we headed off to the pitt rivers museum to see the shrunken heads and other weirdness. the kids loved it - and it was fun seeing it through their eyes. we finished the afternoon at the turf (morse's haunt) but i stuck to coffee not wishing to top up my alcohol table. its early but i doubt i can stay awake much longer folks..

seems i was a little premature in celebrating my friend's recovery from her op. they removed a growth which turns out to have been cancerous - another long round of treatment is required, which is how she's spent 12 of the last 18 months. she thought that was all over and was really enjoying her hair growing back enough to do things with it. her man was looking forward to having his woman back after looking after and supporting her for nearly two years of worry, pain and frustration. she is 31, full of life, cares about everyone else more than herself, and is incredibly brave. its not fair. i never have managed to believe in god and things like this convince me that no god exists. if any of you do believe then say a prayer for her, thank you.

yep it happened just as i was about to leave the pub in disgust and walk the two minute walk back home in the hopes it would conjure up a goal for the gunners - theo walcott (who is english in case you didn't know) was put through on goal and with a bit of skill and a little bit of luck he beat the goalie and equalised. it was much more than we deserved. tonight arsenal's second team were distinctly second best to sperz's first team. our midfield first half and most of the second was just awful. gilberto passed to anyone who wasn't wearing red and white and gave the ball away time after time. he's won the world cup you know. really? yes really. diaby is 9' tall but has no brain at all and seemed to think this was a training session until the last 20 minutes when he realised we were about to LOSETOTOTTENHAM (which is NOT ACCEPTABLE...EVER). denilson is a lovely boy but since he cut off all his dark curls his brazillian wizardry seems to have evaporated - sampson like. plusses? well fabianski the wonder pole was comfortable, swiss tony was very assured, traore coped (mostly) with lennon (if i was ramos i'd sign bennie macarthy from blackburn just for a laugh) and hoyte did well but we looked better when (La) Sagna came on at half time. RVP looked interested but a little slow and bendtner did ok. Eduardo was well policed by the spuds who overall played very well. hopefully on saturday we can welcome back cesc and the flamster, rosicky and hleb and it will be much better.

i think we can now beat sperz at their place but it would be great if they sold berbatov before then because he was just too much for us at times tonight - in fact why dont we buy him and let them have diarra, £4m and a signed photo of all the league trophies we've won since 1961..sounds like a deal to me

loads of neglected horses in buckinghamshire are dead or dying
share prices falling at the sainted M&S (a sure sign of recession)
MPs to vote themselves a bigger than inflation pay rise
the government send a dying ghanain back home to die because her visa has expired
newcastle have sacked fat sam...
at least the US elections are exciting (!) yawn..

arsenal vs sperz tonight - and im going to watch it at the pub despite the invite from SheWho as i think a bit of distance is required. im always nervous about derby games and even though this is just the carling cup and we will play a reserve team it still matters.so c'mon you gunners!

got my conference paper accepted which means i get an all expences paid trip to a posh oxbridge college after easter - fantastic!

cheaper drugs now!

i love Shameless - the best thing on TV

good morning - david cameron wants the long term unemployed to do community work to earn their benefits. what do i make of this? recently ive been unnerved by how reasonable toryboy sounds when i hear him. he has a seductive manner that contrasts very noticeably with gordon broon and i fear he may succeed where the last few tory hopefuls have failed. but this is a typically tory policy. think about it - cameron says it will help those 'out of touch' with work to get back into the swing of regular employment. it may. but the punitive element: refuse to work on the roads or clearing up mess etc and you will lose benefits. that sounds more like pure thatcherism. mrsT would have said 'make em work or let em starve' - cameron is too savvy and knows that wont wash with non-conservative voters. he has learned from the last ten years. so beware, in a few years time we may have a right wing government led by a persuasive yong politian who sounds ever so reasonable... and i thought we'd just got rid of blair..

middle class rat watch (2) they are eating quiche - its messy folks

a politican (malcolm wicks) is trying to be 'honest and realistic' about rising fuel prices- i.e.going up beyond inflation and most people's pay increases

jack straw says that if the prison officers wont agree not to strike ever then he will re-introduce legislation that makes it illegal for the them to strike..er 'scsue me but it seems a bit daft to insist they dont strike OR you will make it illegal - that means that effectively they cant strike EVER doesn't it

risotto is doing its 'magical' bit for five minutes so what else has happened today? well ive been quite productive: office even tidier (i threw lots of stuff away ElliGant!), i wrote and sent my author's questionnaire (which was a pain) and my research report (which was easier.. i have done some before you quip!). sorted out lots of readings from the newspapers on the garroting panics of the mid nineteenth century and planned my heritage class for tomorrow. arsenal got stoke or newcastle at home in the cup and i tried and failed to get tickets for the birmingham game at the weekend (any spares folks?) but the best news was that my female traveller friend came through her tumor removal op fine and hopefully all will now be well

right risotto, then gym then badminton with towcestrians

burnley 0-1 arsenal (eduardo, bendtner)

not the best arsenal performance ive ever seen but two very good goals that showed eduardo's class as a finisher and supplier. burnley played really well - never gave up and that, the crowd and a bit of sticky pitch meant that until the 75th minute it was still a bit touch and go. burnley's lafferty got sent off for a poor tackle on gilberto - i think it was a little harsh but it was dangerous so the ref probably had little choice. some of our players looked a bit off colour today - notably gilberto, denilson and traore: eboue and toure are off to ghana tomorrow and we will miss the latter but not eboue who is a very frustrating player. overall it was a relief to go through and the peformance, if not scintillating, was at least professional.

im now hoping for a good draw on monday - and a home tie would be nice

its reached that early part in the new year when its stopped being the holidays and is about to be the rest-of-the-year and therefore it means its time to cut down on the wine. friday night was supposed to just be a quiet dinner and a shared bottle with SheWho. in the end it became a fraught evening of her anger at her bloke (who had taken her on a cruise which - in his mind - then entitled him to "treat me like shit" as She put it) mixed with recriminations aimed at me for getting her into this situation.. how did i do that? well by going out with someone else three years ago instead of trying AGAIN to persuade her to throw her lot in with me. oh i tried, three times but it wasn't until i started seeing someone else that she realised that i was a) serious and b)that she wanted me. i thought we had been through all this enough already.. three bottles of wine later i finally was allowed out into the wee hours of drissle (or should that be a drissle of wee? no i dont think it should)

woke up late saturday without hangover - wine was quite good - but with aching insides and allergies going a bit mad again. fun(ish) day listening to the FA cup - the mighty U's were unlucky, let's hope the arsenal can progress against burnley later..

popped up to help the travellers celebrate birthdays for what was supposed to be a 'quiet low-key' affair. nice people: those two, her sis (all dark curls and belly dancer's midriff) four female friends, and me. lots of wine in the flat, champagne then curry (slightly marred by the presence of lary chav types who have had too much laaarger and fink its the height of comedic ability to balance balti rings on their heads...) then back up to the flat (less a few of the party who have had to go home) to drink yet more wine and dance to our faves from the CD collection. by the time i decide i really ought to leave its once again the wee hours (no drissle this time thankfully as our flats interconnect somewhat). woke late this morning without hangover - wine was quite good - but with aching insides...

ever so briefly before i rush out of the door - i booked tickets to see those mad hill-billy boys Hayseed dixie in March and I'm going to take my friend from last night along for a bit of a ho-down. the last time i went to gig with her was to see the travelling circus that was the megadog (with banco da gaia and others i was too out of it to remember). i was on the guestlist so got her in for free and she danced all night while i got wrecked with the bands backstage. ah happy daze...

tis a funny thing life and the people you meet. my friend tonight ive know - as i said earlier - for 17 years. which is longer than any of my other mates in this town ive made my home. then she was a dreadlocked teenager with a fondness for multi-coloured bright clothes, big boots and piercings. now she's an elegant brightly coloured woman who retains some of the piercings at least. in 2007 i bumped into her in the local garage/tesco with her bloke and i put her vagueness and vacancy down to a bit too much weed. but now i discover that her brother had killed himself two days previously. her bloke - who she had dated and lived with for over a decade - was supremely unsupportive and so a few months later she told him to pack his bags. it seems that for most of the time they were together it was her that kept the house together, earned the money and cooked the dinners. he did as little as he could get away with. she has kept herself together in the face of what has been an awful year and has emerged smiling and determined to enjoy life in 2008. ive always admired her - even as a teenager she had something about her and i really hope she gets what she wants from life, if ever anyone deserved a loving and supportive partner it is her.

two days into the new year and two almost full days of work. what have i achieved so far? well most crucially i have tidied my cell and made room for all the books that have been lying in piles on top of each other (and possibly breeding..) and cleared the other chair so now i can let someone sit down without having to shove everthing to one side - installed a music player as well so i can relax just a little bit on occasions.

i've written a fun lecture about murder and sensation - the curious stories of the London monster and Spring-Heeled Jack and the rather bizarre tale of John Williams and the ratcliffe highways murders. i hope this might lead into a wider discussion of just how we view murder and perhaps how we use panics to control certain aspects of our society.. we'll probably just talk about the blood and gore thouugh

ive also sorted out the reading for the second years for two week's time and sent it to repographics - domestic violence in the 18th and 19th centuries - it is a very cheerful start to the new term i must say! death, murder, abuse, rape and terror.. oh well i expect they'll enjoy it. seen a few colleagues for lunch and coffee - one is coming back this term after research leave and its good to have her around again (though im not so sure she agrees - most academics seem to prefer research to teaching - i don't generally)

im fighting a rising sense of annoyance which is aimed at the muppeteer - she seems to be caught in a dilemma which (and i could have got this way wrong) is that she doesn't want to pursue anything right now with me (or indeed ever) but can't tell me or just can't organise her life to see her freinds. it would be frustrating but im not letting it get to me too much - we've left it that she will contact me so im just waiting (but not sitting by the phone so-to-speak) and getting on with things. if my analysis is right then im cross because i am quite happy to be friends and nothing more right now - ive moved on from where i was a few weeks ago - im hardly a scary person to talk to and frankly its a bit rude of her. i hope she's ok, she's at work 'cos ive seen her car, but i dont think i should make contact..

tonight im seeing an old friend - well not old but someone i first knew when she was a 15 year old saturday girl in my ex-wife's shop. i went to her 30th a couple of years ago but haven't seen her since. we are off to have a curry and a catch-up. Tomorrow im round at SheWho's to look at the pictures from her holiday-of-a-lunchtime and eat fish pie (the latter is the hook that snared me to do the former), then saturday night its out to celebrate the traveller's joing birthdays. one day to recover then the new term starts proper - i can't wait

i thought that playing west ham at home after they had just beaten the manc would be tricky..but it sounds liek it was a breeze. shame the mighty U's couldn't complete the good results by losing at histon.

i didn't get up till 11 and my head still feels a little fuzzy so im going to have warming veg stew with dumplings, open a bottle and watch telly - too tired to do much else,
hope you are all enjoying the year so far..only 363 days to go till new year's eve..