Oh I know it don't thrill you, I hope it don't kill you.
Welcome to the workin' week.
You gotta do it till you're through it so you better get to it.

yay for elvis costello! well i got through it and it didn't kill me but it certainly goes down as one of the most exilhirating, confusing, upsetting and exhausting (mentally at least) weeks ive had. this time last week i was off to see the towcestrians, fired up with enthusiasm for the little muppeteer who seemed to share my desire to push things along. after a weekend that did nothing to really change my feelings and a lot more late night gassing followed by a ridiculously romantic monday, tuesday arrived with a sense of anti-climax as it gradually dawned on me that i was running much the faster in a race with no winners. wednesday left me stunned and bereft then cheered by football and company and thursday things were getting back to normal when i go and open that old wound again. so here we are seven days later. the rats are clean, ive completed another week without getting sacked, i still like my students and they still (seem to) like me, im exchanging emails with the muppeteer but its returned to a more prosaic level and im looking forward to the weekend.

can next week be anything like this one? could i cope if it was? is this why i get myself into relationships so that after a few weeks of frantic romancing everything calms down and normality sets in? staying in, watching tv, going to the shops, cooking, regular sex, irregular arguments, rising frustration, fear of losing self, irregular sex, regular arguments, staying out, splitting up, being single then looking for the next person to make my heart leap. oh my god what is it all about? life dont talk to me about life... (thanks Marvin..)