arsenal 3 sheffield united 0 it was easy when it should have been a real test. goals from eduardo (2) and denilson but a performance of youth vs experience showed just how good this young arsenal side is. the back four was unrecognisable, the midfield included gilberto and the attack was our second string. it seems whatever team we put out it plays the same way - pass and move, attack attack attack!

its that time of the year when the past catches up with us and the spirits of the dead walk among us and all that. to be honest Im more interested in the spirits of the living and certainly not interested in imported american customs. i might even make a guy for november the fifth given that most children just seem to think it is all about fireworks and dont have a clue about who guido fawkes was or why he was trying to blow up parliament. hey ho, history is dead long live the present and all that. which brings to my next point which is that despite the kind thoughts and crossed fingers of some it doesn't look like my autumnal romance is going anywhere soon. gently told today that its not the right time and lets be friends - well that's ok but it did kind of bring a tear even if it was expected. ended up at the last but one ex who was brilliantly supportive (as ever). going out tomorrow with m&s and been invited to a party thing on saturday night (after grandpa's bonfire bash) so it not all doom and gloom. then two other interesting developments.. i gave in to temptation and made contact with she-who-must-not-be-contacted.. and she responded (positively) and the captain rang to say he has a ticket for the Pistols at the brixton academy.. two blasts from the past in one day! what an interesting week this has turned out to be

off now to see if arsene wenger's creche can turn over the boys from bramall lane...

I should go to games more often - five one to United a stirring performance from the lads. Goals from Boylan, Rendell, Wolleaston and new boy Knight took them past a doughty but limited stafford rangers side into the 1st round proper of the FA cup. the crowd sang 'wembely with jimmy and fester' and 'bounce bounce' all evening and after an slightly frustrating first 20 minutes it was never in doubt. two fans stood behind me were like waldorf and the one from the muppets - grumbling all through the game. can't see where the goals are coming from (then boylan struck a beauty) and at 3-1 .. if they get another one its game on (knight made it 4-1) they were lucky said the balcony doom mongers..
got lost driving back ended up coming home via higham and wellingboro, oh well dont suppose it matters really

anyway bedtime........

briefly, because i am off to see if the mighty U's can get into the FA cup first round, the day went something like this (for those of you - if any - who care about this embryionic romance).. I got in early but she was busy.. and more busy all day. i wandered about and spotted her helping someone (she smiled and waived) then later her email said she was stuck and couldn't see me till tomorrow. so i parked my car next to hers and made sure she got the pressies i had for her. also made sure she knows that i dont want to hassle her at all but i want to see her and will persist (persistance is useless.. oh no it isn't) ok so today i decided. i want this person in my life, it may take a while, it may never happen, but that's what i want. and its good to know what i want at last. also i enjoyed writing today and i want to be a writer as well as a teacher. so that's 2 things learnt. and i want to stop worrying about my job. my check came through, they know all about me now and i know they know. so if i can get through the next few days without a) getting sacked b) letting her know that i have fallen helplessly in love with her and c)there is no c then i think i will have done alright and might actually relax.

don't hold your breath but if you care please cross your fingers or say a prayer for me
ta!

how do other people deal with those periods when you don't hear from the person you most want to hear from. I know this situation changes after an indeterminate period. right now i want reassurrance every hour that the feeling i have about 'us' (not that there is an 'us') is not just some figment of my imagination. the problem with email and mobile phones is they have raised the bar in terms of our ability to communicate with each but.. and its a big but.. mobiles can be switched off, left behind, ignored or have no signal.. email only works if you have access to a computer. so this weekend my phone alternated between buzzing every five minutes with text from my friend to great periods of silence when she was busy, out or asleep. now i know this but i still find it hard to deal with. i should be reassurred that all our comminucation today has been fun, playful and caring - if she's been 'quiet' i think its because she's been busy. I couldn't ever play poker - i would be so easy to read!

great performance by the arsenal yesterday at anfield.. i thought we were fairly unlucky to not come away with all 3 points to be honest. Cesc's last gasp equaliser was followed by chances to win it (although that was true of liverpool too) next up its united at the grove and i really think we can do them. even a defeat wouldn't put too much of a spoke in our title challenge given we have a game in hand and are playing well even without RVP, Eduardo and an in form Ade (he might well come good against the mancs)

I might go over to the abbey satdium tomorrow night to see if cambridge can knock over stafford rangers and progress to the first round proper of the FA cup. it will help me concentrate on something other than just how gorgeous her blue eyes are ....

bit of a surprise last night when she texted me to say she was free after all and did i fancy a quiet evening in watching Elizabeth on the tele? that gave me about two hours to eat, make brownies (having promised her one of L's) shave shower and generally make sure eveything was ok - nay perfect. the result might have been to give me one of my worst allergic reactions in recent weeks. im sure the 'trauma' (if you can call it that) of cleaning tidying cooking and worrying brought it on - classic stress. so as we sat and chatted i could feel my bottom lip swelling and ive still got residual stiffness this morning. i cant have been dinner (veggie sos and mash) and i dont think its was mr. Heinz's soup either. she, bless her, didn't seem to mind and after we had again not watched a film together because we were talking so much she left about half past two. she's coming over in about half an hour and we're going to hang out. she likes me, not sure how much yet, but she likes me

well I expect that's a given isn't it? after all the warm melting sensation of well made chocolate squares kind of takes away any lingering hurt you might be feeling. i guess that's why women love chocolate so much. went to dinner with the towcestrians last night after a really good day at work. students were upbeat - i love my crim lot, they have started to voice their opinions at last. nice tutorial with my infanticide specialist and she seems to be getting the hang of the dissertation process and i seem better this year at helping. but i guess most important - to me at least - was talking to my new friend for a few captured moments in the morning. the situation - as i see it - is this. she likes me, she used to fancy me years ago and so i hope that means she still might. she is cautious of another work relationship - i understand that scenario, and she is aware we might be rebounding. well im not because my decision to end my previous relationship was a long considered.. but she is right to be cautious. i said i really like her, but i am patient and enjoying my freedom (as is she) so we agreed to go slowly and see what, if anything, happens. that's cool (sorry) and when i had a really good chat with my friends last night i took on board the advice to just enjoy it as it unfolds. my insides are all squishy when i think about it - but that's natural.

so today, instead of trying to find stafford rangers i am going to make my home seem like a welcoming clean and friendly place - not just to impress her but because its how i want it to be. im no slob and im not untidy but in the last few years this place has been swollen with too much junk and not enough tlc. so im making choc brownies later but for all of us, her, the flat and me (but not for albert... he's fat enough alreadyD Have a good weekend bloggers!

im in bits this morning because im waiting for an email that im not sure im going to enjoy reading. the oracle said this could be the most perfect thing but i also know it can just be a non-starter in the way id like it to be. what is wrong with me? im in my mid forties and i still react like i did when i was 20. love gets me like a case of anthrax.. i feel like a beetle on its back.. its all so horribly true. going to get my hair cut in ten minutes if i haven't heard by then i think i'll just curl up and die...

very hard to know what to think or do tonight. j came over we went out for a drink with m&s and i textd my new friend all evening - we had met again for coffee. she bought me a present, lovely of her. i am trying so hard not to fall but at the same time she has to know how i feel. so ive sent the email and must wait to see what reaction i get. quite expect a rebuttal. the lets be mates response. how do i cope with that? well i suppose i just have to get on with it but she MUST know i want more. after all im not that blank faced. i compliment her, even offer to give up arsenal for her. she must know so im not risking that much by telling her she is gorgeous, that i think she is special that im enjoying getting to know her, that i'd like to get her drunk (yes i did say that..) J is angry with me for not replying to her texts in the way that i used to, like her boyfriend in fact. but she's got a new man. the bloke i always thought she'd go off with at work. no surprise really at all. Im not her boyfriend, im nobody's boyfriend again, nobody's partner, nobody's husband. i can do what i like see whom i like fall in love with whoever i choose - just be nice this time if it was with someone who loved me back

what a game what a team sublime football from the arsenal lets hope they can keep this up and turn the form into silverware, so pleased for theo the look on his face when he scored his first was brilliant. pure relief and elation. then he capped it off with a strike worthy of TH14.. the evening was joyous for other reasons as well but its too late and ive to be up early to do it justice. Nite

well i really got some work done for once today.. i whole draft artcle from beginning to end (ok so it was already part written as a talk) which is due to be submitted in december/january. im pretty pleased with it and more pleased at how much i enjoyed the writing process. had a lovely visit in the afternoon and a surprise package in my intray which put together really made my day. im still not going to say much more but she is very friendly, seems keen to meet up again at the weekend and replies to my texts and emails and it all still feels easy and uncomplicated.

football tonight is newcastle vs the spuds and paul is coming round to cheer his boys on - hopefully to victory. off to london tomorrow afternoon and then again on wednesday so its possible i may be quite for a couple of days.. lucky you!

cold crisp bright autmun morning - i really love this time of year. the rats are bouncing around - hope they are not too chilly, im not much of a one for wacking the heating on. im not going to say much about yesterday except that i had a very nice time, got to know someone a lot better and still think that anything could happen.

so england lost the rugby.. well im sorry for them and for all the fans because losing in a final is the worst thing. but i cant say im at all bothered myself. it would have meant endless reruns of Jonny's kick or whatever, open top buses, brown would probably have called a snap election, we might even have invaded somewhere (samoa perhaps?) just while everyone was busy drinking english beer and singing swing low (a negro spiritual sung for a team with mainly white faces in a sport which is also predominantly played by whites for whites). Arsenal beat a bruising bolton side who have just sacked their manager and look like they are going down. the mighty U's could only draw (again) but stay where they are in the league. they need to start winning if they are going get promoted though. Next weekend is the FA cup game at Stafford Rangers - its a bit far but might be worth the adventure.

my week is looking pretty busy ahead. monday paul coming is round to watch the football, tuesday after teaching im down to london to a british library do, wednesday is kew and dinner with the matthews, thursday j is trying to organise getting her stuff and maybe seeing m&s and friday i had booked to see paul again but might see his missus instead for a long chat. then maybe at the weekend i could invite my new friend for a long lunch

after the shambles of the euro qualifers and the excitement of the rugby and F1 its back to real football. Arsenal at home to Bolton - always tricky but hopefully the lads can overcome the loss of RVP and stay top of the league, meanwhile over at the abbey the mighty U's are taking on salisbury city. good luck to both of my teams lets hope for a great weekend!

been out in the garden for a bit of end of season clearing out. its actually the sort of gardening i really like - im not much good at gardening - no monty don me! but i have enjoyed growing things in the veg patch this summer. now everything is looking sad and crumpled and it was good to pull it all up and throw it in the compost bin. now all that's left are a few courgette plants and some carrots that are still trying to develop. hopefully they might be on the table for christmas. then its all just bare earth and with the sun breaking through and birds singing all around its quite magical out there.

and last night just got better.. as i was struggling to take over the world on the computer my phone started going off. for several hours we just exchanged texts until finally i had to go to sleep - i even had to rush out at one point to top up my credit to keep the conversation going. so today everything looks bright and positive - im hopeful at least of finding a new friend and that is always a good experience - you can never have too many good mates.

my northern friend is worried that i'm in a mess, which is odd because for most of the day I kinda think I'm pretty ok really. funny how people interpret your words though. so how am i? well today was a bit of a struggle to be honest. i found it hard to concentrate on anything for very long but had a good worky chat with my american cousin who - whisper it lads - might actually have found someone to have a long term relationship with. the serial lothario is clipping his wings! then lunch was fine, good chat over warm orange coloured soup (soup only comes in colours here: green, orange, brown and grey) and chocolate sponge with brown custard (oh take me back to my schooldays canteen!)

after lunch it was a dissertation chat with the group of keen ones - subjects: policing northants, samuel romilly, juvenile gangs, murderers through the ages and police strikes. all of them had done some work, all are reading, few had defined their approach yet. give it time. i set them a deadline - which most liked. asked if any had experienced street protest - been on a march etc. no one. what a uninspired lot! where are the radical students these days? teaching that's where.

then i had the criminologists and first of all i had to apologise for the cock ups in organisation that have blighted the first three weeks of this module. i have sorted it out though. gave me an insight into other departments and how cliques develop - this is not the case in history. we all get on - quite rare i think. reflects well on the boss who gets a bad press from some but really does her job brilliantly. then the lecture, which was ok - not as punchy as last week but i think i had most of their attention for most of the time and you can't ask for much more than that. the seminar started off slowly - grumbles about the amount of reading - reticence in coming forward. then we got talking about terrorism, ID cards, de Menezes, drugs and paedophiles. now they are more lively, everyone has an opinion and they are prepared to argue with each other. not me yet, but that will come.

got home and managed (second attempt) to install new memory into my computer - hurrah!:D

so given all of that it looks like quite a good day.. so what's the problem? well its the lack of communication when all week has been the constant stream. its ok she was out all day and not on email. there is no problem but i let myself worry about it. must not do this. be patient, follow your own advice and enjoy the evening. que sera sera.

just back from the cinema - the new pixar film about a rat that can cook. charming if rather long film - plenty of laughs and cute moments but a little laboured in places. the group rat scenes - the flight from the nest at the beginning and the big cook off at the end were brilliant though. its worth seeing but i wouldn't take little kids - its nearly two hours.

went with j which was nice but very odd - awkward even - especially in this week of questions. and of course today was the coffee promised from last week. what can i say? we didn't have any coffee just a two hour chat that was the easiest most natural conversation ive ever had in my life that felt like it lasted as long as a cup of coffee if flew past so quick. every bit as lovely as i remembered and warm and friendly as well. not sure how i should interpret things but she wants to do something else soon - perhaps at the weekend. two people not long out of long relationships, her still hurting, both enjoying freedom and space. i must tread softly, not run away with myself as i always have done. my soul is aching to jump up and down but i have to stay very calm, very cool and just let things go along as they will. i can do this i think. i am happy on my own she is happy on her own. for now we should maybe make friends and see where that leads. she might just want a new friend - i think she knows i will want something else. she did nail me 5 out of 5 after all on her 'assumptions'. mmm anyway i feel good tonight and that is the first time properly for a little while. i hope she does too.

ok its time for bed. ive had the house meeting - stamped my authority (!) and got some help from fred so i no longer feel its all on my shoulders. the agm date is set and there we will discover just whether other people are prepared to help make this a safe and happy place to live. it feels lile the culmination of 5 years work on my part - i really hope so.

great evening with m&s, they are good company. lots of white stripes and blondie - an indulgence if you like - and chat. good friends. they are looking after me in the wake of the split, im ok. i told them i was looking above the parapet - no criticism from that quarter. so now its on to coffee, and to see what - if anything happens. im happy as i am but perhaps there is space to be happier - im sure there is. honestly, she ticks all the boxes and she asked all the questions that i would have. so she is brave and that matters. carpe diem

so it is. hello new blog friend.. hope the weather's as sunny up in cleveland. im entering into aa long Q&A exchange by email. these days people go speed dating don't they? i guess its a bit like that. i must say im enjoying it so far. cycled in today as the sun is up and while everything is soaking wet - and the incessant rain woke me up and kept we awake for hours last night - it all looks wonderful. once again notably less stressed after bringing the bike over the car.

right, off for whiteboard training..

another stimulating day in so many ways: heritage students were very much on form this afternoon - we are up to 32 in the group and most of them had something to say about the walk around the town. some of the middle rank lads (so called 'cos of where they sit) are a bit cheeky which is slightly annoying - i had to get cross briefly - but generally harmless and a good bunch. the two students from the basket of england are sweet, but one is more into it than the other. another girl seems to be trying not to smile most of the time but she couldn't keep it up and she joined in eventually - i like her. one of the lads group did a great powerpoint - spelling was iffy but no need to be picky - i was very pleased. i do sort of feel this is all a bit easy as a subject but that's no bad thing for them, it sort of breaks them in gently.

ended up being late for z and her article. she was good about it and the article is strong. i like her attitude to life, she throws herself in and gets on with it. i wanted to ask her advice but realised that a) it was a bit inappropriate and b) i didn't need advice i just wanted to chat about stuff thats going on in my head

really i should find someone to talk to and i will. the oracle suggested i should be clear what i want before i go very far down the road but, if i do that, it could be magical. we'll see, there's no rush and i need to remember to focus on what this academic year is all about: writing the book and the articles/talks; improve my teaching; get a grant; secure a permanent job.. the last being the most important but all the previous helping me get that.
goals is what its all about - just like the football!

mash and toads? is just what im having for tea - all vegetarian of course

well the day sort carried on in the same way and maybe, possibly, got better. i feel very positive - i have yet to consult the i-ching though... lots of friendly email chat. gosh nigella has got large - must be all that domestic godessing.. her conversation with a 'sobbing girlfriend' seemed a little staged doncha think? mmmm

better see what the oracle has to say to me about my situation..

although i woke with a thick head i have hopes that this is going to be a good week. it was dry enough to cycle into work which is so much less stressful than driving, especially if i can leave it until the schools have started up so i dont have to run the gauntlet of pockets of surly youths. first message of the morning is an invitation to a meeting later in the week which i really want to attend for once. only problem now is waiting for nearly four days and worrying about what to say in it. i'll consult the oracle about it tonight. no badminton this evening as i had hoped i might go for a drink or two with my northern friend but it may be difficult for him to get away midweek so might leave it until the weekend. later today the professor is coming in to discuss the pattishall murder mystery piece for the NA, be good to see him again. other than that its preparation for heritage and the rest of lessons this week.

the drive back homr from wales nearly always takes me two and half half however i take it - this time i tried to cut out the forest of dean and headed to gloucester via the M50. I didn't really help. at least time i wasn't driving through torrential rain as we were when we returned from pembrokeshire. everything seems ok at home, the rats are happy and no break-in (!)

england beat france in the rugby world cup semi-final - i was amazed.. although im no rugby fan all the talk i'd heard building up to the finals suggested england had no chance at all. now they are in the final - to play either one of the two im watching now.

spent not too much money in hay but managed to buy 7 or 8 books including a ripper novel, tobias' old crime book and wientrub's encyclopedia of london. last night's curry seemed to lay martin and diana low and half way around the third bookshop i felt quite ill. recovered after lunch and hopefully it was nothing - might just be a bit of cold coming on. fresher's flu perhaps.

hello from a grey and overcast monmouthshire, travelled down (across?) yesterday evening after doing my first criminology lecture of the new year. really felt it went well and makes me realise that this year - for perhaps the first time - i feel really on top of my job and like i belong. ironic then that this could be my last year at this institution if i don't get a permanent contract. the first years were fairly engaged in the seminar and i felt comfortable with them straight away for a change. i hope this feeling persists through the year.

not sure what will happen to today.. going to Hay tomorrow to hunt for books (so long as the shops are open that is) and perhaps take some photos on the way. mostly im keen to relax and spend some time with my mum.. which is something i haven't really done enough of. when you get into a relationship i find its harder to just see her and chat, because you need to be looking after your partner at the same time. it has got easier over the three years but j was never totally comfortable coming here. so over the next two days we can chat about percy, life, work and anything. we started talking about family history - she has discovered all sorts of new links to the cornish branch of the family. any copplestones out there in the blogosphere?

got home to find the post had come ... got kinda used to its absence actually. One credit card bill (lower than expected) one statement from a fairly unused savings account and a card from the postman saying i was out when he delivered and that he has a 'package' for me. naturally there is no one at the collection office to tell me whether it is there or not and im not going to risk the traffic in town on the off chance.. it can wait until tomorrow on my way to work. however, i am a little puzzled because im not actually expecting anything. if its the replacement keyboard (oh please please) i would be surprised becasue i think the ebayer only has my college address.. can't think what else it is as i haven't ordered anything unless its my arsenal membership pack.. possibly.

fairly engaged bunch in seminar today. some very good observations on the reading - if a little off the point in places - and about a third of people had something to say. i thought the lecture was the best one ive done on that subject and perhaps because its largely unscripted. i miss stuff out i could include but it makes it ever so long so i end up rushing. do they really need to know more than that there is a long debate about rising and falling crime rates from the 16th to the 20th centuries? Pete did it but his module was much more statistical than mine. the boss revealed that i am co supervising a PhD student and doing so as a temp will look good on my cv when it comes to trying to get a permanent contract. honestly it does my head in - i can't get another deal and i need a job after next October. i just wish they would let me get on with my career here.

albert sat on my shoulder for ages when i took him out today.. he's quite social really. i think they prefer being higher up must be reassuring for them to see the world. do rats get vertigo though? hopefully j will look after them over the weekend or at least pop in.. that's all they'll need really.

finally, i finally sent that email to suggest meeting for coffee. felt a bit silly. probably nothing will come of it.who knows. not i

the day started well with a trip to the archives to look at wanted posters from the 1800s - such as stolen sheep, slashed horse and the case of the missing spotted pig. then the pages of the Hue & Cry revealed deserters from His Majesty's armed forces in the napoleonic wars, including wonderfully descriptive phrases like 'marked by the smallpox' and 'wearing a velverteen waistcoat' (with leather breeches in case anyone was worried..) but after that it went rather down hill.
bumped into one of my favourite students who baldy lied to me about her attendence (not a good start)
got very little help (as usual) from the IT helpdesk - more interested in having a natter about last night's tv and how overworked they are....
then we had a long meeting in which we discussed the academic misconduct procedure with the man from the university academic misconduct procedure committee who basically said that even if we catch the little blighters red handed copying huge tracts of text from the net or each other (or even my own lectures notes) he won't really do that much about it for fear of students taking legal action..
oh well, presumably we can keep failing them if they persist in cheating. then i had to rush in my travel form.. having sent a form to get outside funding i also need a form to give me permission to go abroad from the research committee... then i need a form from the VC giving approval... then i need to request funding... then another to claim reimbursment once ive actually been... five forms soem of which are pages long just so i can attend a conference abroad and speak for 20 minutes or so.
ho hum... now im back home getting ready to go and talk to a local history group about policing before policemen.. no form no expenses just me a laptop and an hour's worth of history. hope i can get back in time to see part 2 of heroes.

the new mac is great - plays imperial glory so far (although I can't, being severely thrashed by the computer!) but it has one big problem. the keyboard is crapped out. I've got no 'P' and a few other keys do little or nothing. so i'll give the ebayer a chance to do something but might have to buy a new one in the end.

so wet in town today which rather put a dampner on the heritage walk. About half the students turned up and decided to do the museum bit today and hope for better weather in the next few days.

getting ready to watch cambridge vs rushden on sultana sports.. couldn't face the drive to the abbey after last night's trip to brian clough land. in fact today i felt rather rough - tired, stressed, and my reactions have been kicking me back in the last few days. a quite night in is exactly what i need tonight. lets hope the mighty U's do the business!

well the contract finally arrived for the thesis book today just as I was wondering what had happened to it. the postal strike has engendered a certain calm to waiting for the post since there isn't any. no bills, no postcards, no junk, nothing. just pizza delivery and indian takeaway offers and circulars from the local libdems promising to sort out all those vital 'local' problems that you never knew you had. where were our libdem councillors when those yobs appeared eh? ming the magnificent wielding his staff of righteous indignation was nowhere to be seen..

and so i continue with the book writing process - breaking off every now and then to see if the G5 seller is going to reply to my message and let me feel more confident of finding him this evening. i have ze money burning a hole in my pocket and ready to travel the 65 miles to pick up my new (or ebayed rather) toy. a free standing mac for the first time since i got rid of the old iMac.. a screen a quarter as big again as this one and a processer that will cope with Imperial Glory